I’m going to start with one incontrovertible fact: Cycle touring is probably the greatest thing in the entire world! Every chance I get, I schedule and take a tour somewhere around the country. These days, work is tough and planning a marriage is even tougher, so my longest rides are 5 days or so. But I’ve found another way to exercise my passion: I started my very own ride (check it out: redjac.com). While a blast for me, REDJAC also allows me to introduce people to touring so that they can experience the magic themselves.
Over the years, I have completed dozens of rides and though there is always plenty of new experiences, some things never change. Here are my top 5 in no particular order:
Pain in The Butt
No, I am not talking about your younger brother/sister. I am talking about an actual, severe pain in the back side that will make you feel like you rode down a ski hill on a two-by-four between your legs. Like splinters, there is no escaping this miserable side effect. Throw on all the C-Butter, expensive saddles and shorts that you want, but that pain will find a way in. Expect it, live it, move on!
Cycling for hours at a time can be as monotonous as counting grains of sand. You can only think about the first person you slept with or what this world would be like if unicorns were real for so long. Eventually, your brain goes blank and before you know it, poof! 3 hours just slipped by and you have no recollection of the ride. This is great for boring stretches, but also a bit terrifying.
Shock and Awe
OMG! What is that!? It’s a bird, or a plane, or is it…some person on a cycling tour. For the average person, biking for days on end is absolutely nuts. They cannot comprehend it. Why would someone do such a thing when they can just drive a car or fly a plane? Because we are sick, demented, smelly, crazy cycling freaks! And not only do we love it … we love that you can’t handle it. That is why.
It happens to the toughest of all of us. After that first week or so, it kicks in and you miss that special someone or something at home. Whether it’s a soul mate, a fur ball, momma’s cooking, or that freaking unbelievable hot shower that I can only compare to pure bliss, we all wind up missing something. Don’t worry! It will be there when you get back…probably.
Missing The Road
The great adventure has ended and you are back to that miserable cubicle, typing away, looking at the picturesque screen saver of some tour you did years ago. Then it hits you. Your miss itching those damn mosquito bites. You miss the butt pain (though its still there a little). You miss cars passing too close and eating tons and tons of calories in whatever form you can find them. You miss the road. Plan your next trip soon and do it all over again!